Gravity is the table’s best friend. Think about that for a minute. Or two. Hell, take three minutes and go deep with this concept. If not for gravity, tables would be royally screwed right out of their crappy jobs as things upon which we set our crap. Gravity is arguably more important to a table’s function than table LEGS. Don’t buy it? Ok, say a table loses its legs in an car accident (undoubtedly going to Eeegee’s for a purple slushy or somesuch). There it is, after the accident, family by its bedside telling it “it’s going to be ok, sweet table. At least you didn’t suffer a brain injury. You’re still intelligent and can draw stuff and take phone calls and eat and poop and stuff.” That table is going to be shorter, yes. Cuz it lost its legs in that accident on its way to Eeegee’s. But someone can still set a can of Pepsi on it or a bong or a wallet or a machine gun or a a kilo of drugs. In other words? Even without legs, that table can still be a TABLE. But if it loses its ability to have gravity along for its ride? That table is, again, royally screwed. It can’t support a damn thing. Not even a packet of soy sauce or a stir stick or a gum wrapper. Stuff just hovers over the top of the table for a bit before dodddling off like some errant helium balloon, bumping into a wall, changing course, looking stupid. Table didn’t help at all. Cuz no gravity. But rest assured, fellow Craigslisters. THESE tables get along GREAT with gravity. Their surface dimension (upon which you can rest your paraphenalia or eye drops or kittens) is 21” x 29.” And the height of that gravity-cooperative surface is 21” from the floor. Or the ground. Depends on where you put these bedside tables. Oh, one more thing. They’re made of real wood. They truly are from the mid-century. No I don’t have papers and can’t give you brand names for them. But they’re heavy, you know? Not crap pressboard. Plus, they’re kinda pretty. The surface of these things is this weird buttery, quartz-like plastic kinda jam. Kinda weird, for sure. But also kind of rad. And proof positive that they’re from the 50s or 60s because back then, people went bonkers for stuff made of plastic. “Better living through chemistry,” and all that jazz, right? But, again, the point of these tables is that they’re effective because they are friends with gravity. Which you know, keeps them from being worthless. So buy ‘em. And if you don’t like this post, see if you can search Craigslist for someone selling a sense of humor. I will always love you. I’ll wait for you. Go off to war now, and I’ll be here. When you get back in one piece, we’ll marry and have babies and buy a vegan farm. And buy some lava lamps. And stay up all night eating peanut butter from the same spoon, naked in bed, staring out the window at our sleeping goats that will not be slaughtered or milked because our farm is vegan.
