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Personal Assistant / Puppy Wrangler (Tucson)
Tiger Monkeys, Inc
Diamond Bell Ranch Rd near Sierrita Mountain Rd
compensation:
$20 Every 3,600 Seconds
employment type:
part-time
experience level:
no experience required
job title:
Ninja
QR Code Link to This Post
Are you good at multi-tasking?
Do you have the ability to throw a ball with one hand while doing just about anything else with the other?
Are you comfortable interacting with a 22 pound fur missile that is on a mission to lick your face?
If you’ve answered,”Yes”, to these three questions then you may be qualified for this position.
Hi, there. My name is Joel, and I need a personal assistant. I adopted a puppy 2 months ago, and this fall I’m starting 2 businesses while building a tiny house.
So, needless to say, I’m going to be very busy for the rest of the year. I’m looking for someone who can help out on the domestic end of things. Someone who can do some cleaning, some errand running, some Costco-ing, and do it all while juggling a 4 month old shepherd puppy, and a 16 year old senior miniature poodle.
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Expected Duties:
Cleaning the House
Weeding the Pathways
Cleaning the Grill
Taking the Dogs to the Park
Running to the Store
Running Back to the Store Because I Forgot to Put Something on the List
Calling and Setting Appointments
Calling and Canceling Appointments
Coming Up with Believable Excuses to Explain Why I’m Canceling the Appointment
Throwing the Ball
Chasing After the Senior Poodle Because She Gets Confused, and Will Start Randomly Running In the Wrong Direction, and Because She is Completely Deaf There is No Calling Her to Come Back.
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Bonus Duties:
(Not Expected, but Definitely Helpful)
Listing Items on Facebook Marketplace
Typing, “Yes, It’s Available”, 500 Times
Video Editing
Website Development
Graphic Design
Painting
Picking Winning Lottery Numbers
Casting Voodoo Curses
Spying On My Enemies Through Astral Projection
Teaching the Puppy to Play the Piano
Cooking a Decent Steak
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Job Requirements:
You must have a car, horse, or flying saucer.
You must be able to conversate in English.
You must have a tolerance for the same Steve Winwood album to be on repeat all day.
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Location:
Diamond Bell Ranch (Near Three Points)
Zipcode: 85736
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To Apply:
Please, don’t send me a resume.
Resumes are for Sea Lions.
Nobody is honest in a resume, and when I read them I can Sea that they be Lion.
So instead, just send me an email.
In the subject bar type, “I AM NOT A SEA LION”.
In the actual email answer these questions:
What is your name?
What is your phone number?
What is your favorite song?
How long have you lived in Tucson?
What days are you available?
What are your other obligations (school, work, kids, etc)?
Why should I hire you?
If I like what I see, and the dogs agree, then we will give you a call to setup an interview.
———————
About Me:
My name is Joel Tiger. You can social media stalk me on Instagram @JoeloftheTigers - I’ve been on a social media break for the past few months, but you’ll see that I have a lot of videos on tiny homes, off-grid living, and driving the Pima County zoning office absolutely bonkers.
Thank You!
You read the entire ad. So few people do that. Most people just hit the Reply button on every job post without reading what the job is, or about. It’s very annoying.
Since you read the entire ad, put the phrase, “This puppy is nuts.” at the end of the email for extra bonus points.
Cheers!
Mr.Tiger
- Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.